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my personal darkness brings me to insanity

Posted on Wed Apr 8th, 2020 @ 11:08pm by 1st Lieutenant Robert Razer

1st Lieutenant Robert Razer lays in his bed in a dark room through his window the stars shine, Roberts is tossing and turning sweating. up until now Robert has lived his life as a drone. like his mind was disconnected with the reality of his life on the ship. but every night he would dream. and in those dreams he was taken to a different reality. he lived a different life. he was a different person. he had no clue exactly who he was or what was going on. but the dreams were real. real enough to have Robert frighten because the events in those dreams were like an never ending story of past life's. their birth's, their struggles and even their deaths were all played out. Robert had front row seats for every feeling of those individuals. every feeling of love, every feeling of hate. when they were in danger and they were frighten he felt every bit. he heart hurt. as if the wight of dozen people was just dropped on his shoulders. Robert started to remember each life. he began to recognize the story's he would be living in his dreams. but what were they trying to tell him. who are they and why do they hunt his dreams every night. like a connection of some sorts. Robert would try to explore as much as he could to gather as much information as he could but as soon as he would start to gain new information...

alarm going off in his room

Robert- alarm off

alarm- 1st Lieutenant Robert Razer it is now 0600--

Robert would be awaken. and back to his reality he would go to live out another day, another life. his mind distracted. he felt his heart heavy with grief. like a connection in his life was severed and he lost all connection with every one. he felt alone in space, robert struggled for a moment to get up. stood up and went on with his morning routing of stretching then going to halo deck to work out. it was the only activity he could do to reset his mind back to were he was. some days are easier to deal with then others. but he did his job and support those that needed it. but once he entered his sleeping quarters. once he lay down and sleeped it would all flood back to him... every day brought new information, a new life, a new set of problems out comes. never really revealing a truth. just another piece of the puzzle.

i will try to record my thoughts, my dreams and make sense of them. but their was one story that i can not get over.

its a story of a young man, stuck in a room, a window to the outside world faces away from the sun. he lives in the shadow of a building. but he is able to see the world alive outside. people pass by to a soccer field to play among each other. he notice their happiness. but for some reason he never leaves that room. like he is a prisoner. Robert tried the doors to see if it was lock. it was not. yet he never leaves. no one comes to check on him. the man sits in chair by the desk to a blank computer screen. no emotion is shown from him just sits at the desk. ive never was able to see what he was working on. i would just see the man sit their. i could see the sun raise and set star would began to shine. as the street lights would kick on. i never felt this level of loneliness before. the young man had no clue i was their. every attempt of connection failed. i could walk out the room into a hallway even walk outside. but i couldn't force myself to leave this person alone for too long i always made my way back to him. i felt like i wanted to keep him company when their was no one else their. or maybe i was waiting to see what would happen to him...can i sit here until he grows old... will i see him die.. and wounder if any one would care... i know i would....


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